Tag Archives: Rachel Allish Zamora

The Right To Rest

9 Nov

“In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king’s men and the whole Israelite army.”    2 Samuel 11:1

Spring was a good time to go to war because the roads were dry, making travel easier for troop movement. David had just successfully defeated the Ammonites. But immediately following victory, David abandoned his purpose, passed off his responsibility, and stayed home to soak in the victory instead of being alongside his army in battle.

I’m sure David was simply enjoying the many luxuries of being king.  It seems as though he began to build security on his own strength. Forgetting that it was the Lord who enabled him to win in the first place. Instead of being forward thinking, He began to rely on his previous victory. His priorities were out of line, and he failed to face the next task at hand. While most of us think of David as a man with a worshiper’s heart and a warrior’s will; this story portrays him as someone entirely different.

Distraction comes easily if you aren’t focused on your purpose. And distraction precedes failure. I remember the first (and hopefully the last) time I played dodge ball. Six fellow peers of mine dragged me onto their team after realizing that they had to have at least one girl on their team in order to play. I told them I wasn’t too grand at sports, but they were convinced otherwise- and wow were they ever wrong.

I was a miserably pathetic throw and exhibited incredibly poor hand-eye coordination skills to boot. But, for a split second, I experienced my fair share of glory. Three or so minutes into the game, (The anxiety made it feel more like 40) one of the styrofoam balls was launched up in the air, luckily high enough so I could catch it. I caught it, everyone cheered, and my opponent was out. But, I was so overcome with the pride of my new found victory, that I failed to notice the second ball. Lethally headed in my direction. Being entirely distracted made me an easy target. And that was the end of my dodgeball career; just as soon as I had tasted victory; I was out.

I’ve since learned that looking back to soak on your victory too often will only distract you from the next challenge at hand. I don’t know of a time in the Bible where Jesus used his energy recalling all that He had done. He was always forward thinking. Looking for the next person to touch, heal, or save. He had bigger fish to fry than to use his valuable time thinking, praying, or addressing the past. He was always in the Spirit, always in warfare, always on call, accessible, and ready.

“One evening, David got up from his bed and walked around the roof…and saw a woman bathing. David sent someone out to find her…she came to him and he slept with her.” 2 Samuel 11:2-4

Like me, in light of victory, David had let his guard down. I’m sure he did indeed deserve some R&R. After all, he’d served diligently, patiently, and  faithfully all those years. He’d single-handedly killed the giant, destroyed opposing armies, and remained in communion with God. So, hadn’t he earned it?

We mustn’t depend on our past victories to pull us through tomorrow’s challenges, we still have to face them. Every war has a price.  Anytime you lose sight of your mission, you can rest assured that distraction is lying on the next rooftop.  Opportunity is always knocking, and if you don’t have a worthwhile cause to obtain your focus, your own desires will overcome your purpose.

You see, this snowball effect began as a decision; to fight, or not to fight. Never underestimate what hiding from your battles will cost. No matter how great the recent victory is, we should never feel entitled to lay aside our weapons. A friend of mine put it this way “As Christians, we shouldn’t ever feel as though we have the right to rest spiritually.” We can’t let up, give in, or back down. There’s a task that has been assigned to us. The moment we lose sight of it, we will fall, and eventually distraction will destroy us.

If you feel as though you’ve lost sight of your purpose, don’t worry! David blew it- royally at that. Yet, he turned his life around and we still speak of him today. God will honor a man who returns. It’s never too late to come back.

So, let’s face tomorrow. Let’s kick the crud out of our lives. Let’s become so overwhelmingly consumed with the God who loves us, and the task at hand, that distraction has no place in our lives. Contend; it’s what we’re born to do.

“The kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent take it by force.” Matthew 11:12

Style Potential: Walmart?

7 Sep

When it comes to trends, I’ve been challenging myself.  I’ve learned that those who are most admirable take risks.  Sure, sometimes they look like dummies- at least until others catch on. After all,  what fun is style if you don’t create your own?  Be bold.  Do something crazy. That’s what sets you apart.

Bee-lining it to the shampoo section, here it was, in my way, and in the middle of the Walmart isle.   Not in my size, not for women, not warm enough, not my kind of work wardrobe.  Somehow,  this 2XL, Men’s, sleeveless, Walls-Work-Wear-Shirt, starred me down in all of it’s $5 glory.

Instead of being worn by sweaty men, this oversized man-shirt is now paired with a long sleeve tee, a pair of leggings, and some fun strappy heels.   Don’t ever underestimate the power of your  imagination.  Be creative.  Be different. Attempt a crazy stunt all in the name of potential.  In fashion, you can always make up your own rules.

Women Of Strength Conference – Rochester, MN

29 Aug

  

Up and at it by 7AM Friday morning, we were off to Minnesota. I was thrilled to minister along side some of my favorite ladies on the planet —  Joanna Swanson, Keri Agrimson, Kristin Carinhas, and Cara Crowson.  Christ For The Nations brought us together.  And now, together, we’ve gone out.  Each of these gorgeous women have character worth looking up to and  an undeniable passion for God.

High of 74 degrees, grassy green fields on both sides of the road, and smiles everywhere you look.  Rochester has a sunny, cozy little home-town feel to it.  What a fabulous change of scenery compared to the 110+ degrees, hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle I’m accustomed to in the Big D.

Friday afternoon, precious women began to trickle in, fun conversations began, and hospitality echoed in the concert venue.  Worship started, and God’s tangible presence faithfully graced us.  The ministry continued as the ladies shared from their hearts and impacted us all.  What a wonderful conference.  God’s love brought healing, forgiveness, restoration, and joy. He is such a faithful Father.

One of the things I love about ministry, is that the Lord cares about everyone.  He desires to embrace each life– from the uninterested daughter smoking in the parking lot, to the women up front “ministering.”  His Love beckons everyone to His awaiting arms.   God never ceases to amaze me. Though this conference took much prayer, preparation and diligence– we left feeling refreshed ourselves.   I’ve found that whether we are “serving” or registered as conference attendees, in the end, we are all receiving.  The Lord is the one who does the ministering.

I thought I would be singing, little did I know that last two days were divine appointments.  A little break from my seemingly crazy-busy life.  As I knelt on stage, I could feel the Lord renewing minds, restoring hearts, and reviving dreams.  He reminded me that His greatest desire is that we would be His lovers.  Not His workers.  Not His Ministers.  Not His this or that.  He calls us to find rest in Him and do life with Him. As His daughters, He simply wants us to “just be.” Being His is all I hope to ever strive for; in Him I find me.

Born This Way

11 Jul
We’re four years apart; we both come from Latin backgrounds full of faith; we each have more than three names; we cling tight to our beliefs and stand for what we believe in. Sure, I guess you could say that Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta and I have a few things in common.Wardrobe preferences, income, make-up prep time, stage presence, and talents are a few not-so-slight differences that don’t exactly make us twins.  However, despite the obvious fact that I am no Lady Gaga; an even more drastic factor makes us more different than black and white.

We were both born flawed, fickle, imperfect, unfaithful, confusing, sinful, and ultimately—human.  With habits that should probably be broken, tendencies that are anything but pretty and sins that would’ve been better left uncommitted; yes, we were both born this way.  The difference is that I know I’m not meant to live this way.  I recognize that I was not destined for a lifetime of failure and sin. 

Just. Being. Real.  I believe this is where the church has miserably failed. In our attempt to radically change the world—we’ve failed to let them in on the process. The struggle.  The failures.  The realness of how encouraging hearing Proverbs 24:16: “Though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” really is.  Paul had no shame in admitting his humanity;  “…I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.”  (Romans 7:18b,19)

So, let me pause and take a moment to side with Gaga and say, you are right.  You are right in that you should come clean and blurt out your failures, share your struggles, and rip off your masks. Solely so that together, we can find support systems, gain traction, learn from our mistakes, throw off our burdens, and move on.  There’s something magnetic about someone with enough confidence to admit their flaws and shortcomings.

However, in contrast to this, we live in a society that has pushed “flaunt your flaws” a little too far.  While I applaud confessing one’s sins—parading them around has quite the opposite affect.  They’ve fully embraced part 1 of a two step process.  Videos, lyrics, photos, books; everything seems to be headed in the same direction.  Society has attempted to function in its dysfunction by claiming struggles to be lifestyle choices. “We were born this way, made this way, expected to live this way.”

This kind of mindset forces you to take the easy way out in life—day in and day out.  Never really reaching your full potential—falling short of who you were created to be.  Putting on a show and encouraging others to do the same, because at the end of the day, ultimately, you know you’re living your second-best life.

Excusing your mistakes, twisting truth into error, and dubbing sin as acceptable is not brave; it’s living in denial. And last I checked— denial is failing to face your fears.  Our fear of failure has encouraged us to re-name failure as success.  While embracing destruction as a trend, I believe nothing breaks God’s heart more than seeing his children living a life in extreme chaos, confusion, and sin.

Maybe you have a tendency to make mistakes, choose wrong—or even pick Judas.  To this I say, so what!  The good news is that Jesus Christ died so you wouldn’t have to embrace it as a lifestyle. Why throw a party in the ditch when you can get out of it.  There is freedom from sin and all of its drama.

So yes, we were all born this way, each the same way—sinful; but that doesn’t mean we have to live that way.  I encourage you; be brave; face your fears and cling to Christ who will always overcome your failures.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death… If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:1-2, 31 

Boost Your Boldness

5 Jun

Throughout the Bible, you will find men.  These mere men bravely challenged cultural norms, authorities, and kings- all in the name of God.  They changed history, shaped society, and made a difference.  They said no, not to prove a point or be rebellious; but because it was inconsistent with their already established lifestyle and relationship with God.  I’ve been studying the book of Daniel– if you want an extra boost of boldness–I highly recommend it.

Lifestyle—

The book of Daniel opens up with a dinner scene.  While other men were overjoyed to be offered such foodful-bliss, Daniel looked past the endless supply of gourmet foods set before him.  He knew the “choice foods” lacked substance.  Daniel was well aware that you are what you eat.  He was confident enough to challenge the officer in a food-eating contest of “who will be stronger.”   Not because he was a Jewish brat too good for the five-star royal palace; but because he had personally reaped the benefits of a healthy lifestyle.  To everyone’s surprise, Daniel proved to be stronger after only eating fruits, vegetables and water.

How many times do we find ourselves scarfing down whatever has been served before us?    Sure, fancy schmancy things this world has to offer may temporarily satisfy our carnal taste buds– but they lack nutrients, strength, and life.  We’re prone to eating the wrong foods only when we haven’t experienced the legit stuff.  In order to call out the fake– you must first be acquainted with the real. 

Worship—

“The drums are off beat… We’ve sung this song sixteen times this week… Someone please inform the ‘joyful noise’ behind me that she can’t sing… The lights are in my eyes… Typo on the screen.”  I hate to admit it, but these are just some of the conversations bouncing around in my head during chapel.   Sometimes, the most un-worshipful things are discussed between the hours of 8AM and 9AM.   Distractions– they’re everywhere, always threatening to cheapen the reality of a loving God worthy of my praise.

We hear stories of martyrs around the world and ask ourselves “in the face of death–would I take a stand?”  I’ve asked myself this question various times.   Most of us would answer eagerly and without hesitation—“yes!”  After all, “to die is gain” …right?  Unlike most of us, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, were actually faced with this question– and it wasn’t hypothetical.  In Daniel 3, we see that these men took a stand and refused to bow– while the knees of others buckled.  And God proved to be faithful.

In our laziness, we struggle to push past the distractions and worship Him.  We say we would die for Christ–yet we fail to take a stand in the small “insignificant” issues that we come in contact with every day.  To say you would die for Christ while failing to live for Him is a double standard.  Our lives should be a symphony of worship– a life spent in passionate pursuit of the God who first loved us.

Relationship—

Do you ever find yourself  ready for bed and dozing off, only to realize that you went the whole day without saying a single word to God?  “My alarm went off late… I just need to go to bed… I’m hardly ever alone… God knows my heart.”  These are all excuses I’ve both heard–and used.  Is God really that big a part of my un-ordinary, everyday life?

In Daniel 6, we read that Daniel was consistent in his prayer life.  He was well set in his ways.  He was faithful in his relationship with Christ even when threatened with death.  This world throws options, alternatives, and even threats in our face, but it’s easy to say no when there’s a God to whom you’ve said yes.

To Daniel, communication with his Maker was more important than life itself.  Daniel’s example of steadfast commitment challenges me to ask myself:  If praying were illegal—would I be found breaking the law consistently?

In A Nutshell–

Despite being threatened with death, four men broke the law– not because they went out of their way to, but because they were men of consistency.  When you’ve made it a habit to  stand for small things; the big things naturally become no-brainers.  Consistency is the key to boldness.

So, yes; while living for God you might find yourself in a fiery furnace, alienated, or thrown into a den of lions.  But rest assured, “To the faithful He shows Himself faithful.”  (Psalm 18:25)

Just Do It.

18 May
 

“’Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today…The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still…Raise your staff and stretch out your hand over the sea to divide the water so that the Israelites can go through the sea on dry ground.’”   Exodus 14:13-16 NIV

How many times have I found myself at what looks like a dead-end of disappointment.  Failures and screw-ups can be explained but when I’m led in what looks like the wrong direction, it seems unfair, unjustified, undeserved.   At times life is simply unreasonable.  Like the universe pays no attention to what I want or what has been promised.  In moments like these, I can’t help but look back to double check that I heard God correctly… did I miss something?   Was I mistaken?   Because the circumstances don’t line up with the promises.  Before I know it, doubt begins to take root in my heart.

Just when I feel like I’ve been driven into the ground– like a knight in shining armor, God comes through– and not a moment too soon.  A word, an inkling, a still small voice, a verse, something somehow manages to keep the promise alive and my soul from withering away with disappointment.

After ten plagues, countless firstborns slain, and a king who was fed up; the Israelites were free.   Moses led them out of Egypt and into the desert.  Then, after all of God’s sovereign intervention– He directed them straight into the sea.    Most of us would have thrown the towel in due to the obvious circumstances.  A slow-moving crowd of men, women, and children don’t stand much of a chance against an army of infuriated Egyptians in merciless pursuit.  And, needless to say, the Red Sea wasn’t exactly a great option either.  Had He led them all this way only to kill them off in some miserable, pathetic way?

You’ve probably heard the story, so you already know that the Israelites didn’t drown.  God kept His end of the bargain.  Moses stood as the people walked through the Red Sea as if it were a water park’s drained wave pool.  Sometimes, God will lead us straight into a dead-end simply to show that He is with us.  In times like these, fighting is worthless and swimming is hopeless.  We must stand so that He can act on our behalf and transform the very obstacles we face.  Despite all barriers, against all odds, come hell or high water; He proves that He is with us.

 “And the Lord said to Joshua, “Today I will begin to exalt you in the eyes of all Israel, so they may know that I am with you as I was with Moses.  Tell the priests who carry the ark of the covenant:  When you reach the edge of the Jordan’s waters, go and stand in the river…and its waters flowing downstream will be cut off and stand up in a heap.”   Joshua 3:7-13 NIV

Fast-forward a few years and Israel’s next leader, Joshua, is faced with a similar setback.  I’m sure Joshua remembered the Red Sea dilemma and how God came through.  Surely, he wasn’t ignorant of God’s sovereignty.  Yes, the Red Sea was slightly chancy, but this was different.

Now, I’m reading in between the lines here a bit, but I can almost hear what Joshua might have said: “Isn’t this where I just raise my hands and You split the river like you did the sea?”  Or telling the Priests; “Men, I know this ark is our most valuable possession and I know you’re the holiest among us all, but I want you to march it straight into the river.”

He couldn’t simply do what Moses had done and watch the water split wide open.  No, not Joshua, he was directed to order his best men, the cream of the crop and their sacred treasure, their promise of God’s presence;  straight into the river.  God had stepped it up a notch, a raised hand could have gone unnoticed, but a full throttle priestly processional into the Jordan wasn’t exactly discreet.  This required more participation.  This was risky.  This made absolutely no sense– this was crazy.

I can’t even tell you how many times it feels like God is trying to murder His promises—the very same ones He’s given me.  “Just march into the river Rachel, take a step of faith, and then I’ll take it from there.”   Sometimes, God will ask you to carry the very things He’s given you into what seems like suicide.  In times like these, standing in faith isn’t enough.  Only after obediently marching straight  into the chaos He called you to, will He split the river.

If You’ve Been Asked To Stand:  Stand in confidence and ignore those who threaten to kill God’s plan of destiny for your life.  He is fully capable to fight for you and doesn’t need your help.  Remember, He has promised to never forsake us and you aren’t an exception.  Rest assured that He is ready and able to carry out to completion whatever He said He would accomplish.  Stand, be still, and watch as God sovereignly kisses earth as He acts on your behalf.  

When You’re Told To March:  Depend on the Lord’s instructions, no matter how crazy they sound and regardless of how much better yours seem.  Don’t wait for it to get easy before you move.  Go full speed ahead and trust that He sees the bigger picture and can always change your circumstances.    Remember, failing isn’t His thing; He isn’t out to drown you and your dreams.   March, step out in faith and watch what once were obstacles clear out of the way.  

Don’t drown in disobedience— whether you’ve been told to stand still in faith or march forward in confidence;  Stare your obstacles square in the face and  Just Do It.

Polished Perfect

2 Feb

“Whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones…”  -Matthew 23:27

As silly as it sounds, every time I paint my nails I’m reminded of the horrific events that took place last spring.  One of my best friends left her apartment, checked into a hotel and consumed an entire bottle of 500mg Extra-Strength  Excedrin, another of Tylenol and a 2-liter energy drink.  When we found her, she was hardly responsive and her skin had green undertones.  As tears were falling from her face faster than her sleeves could catch them, my other friend, Cara, called an ambulance.

I couldn’t even function.  I just sat there in silence at the foot of the bed, blankly starring at my gorgeous friend’s near lifeless body.  As I picked up her hand, I noticed her fingernail polish was chipped.  Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed a bottle of polish and tried my best to paint her nails.  Looking back on this, we all laugh at how stupid I was to paint her nails in such a time of absolute crisis.  I still kick myself for doing something that was so entirely irrelevant to the situation.

You will be relieved to know and I am thrilled to report that after three days in the ICU, my friend survived and was released without any stomach or liver damage.  God is sovereign.  She is an incredible woman and has a jaw-dropping testimony nothing short of an amazing miracle.

As I was thinking back on all this the other day, I realized that I’ve been painting my nails in the midst of crisis for as long as I can remember.  My coping mechanisms have always been to hold everything together.  Be perfect.  Or at least act and appear to be put together.  Maybe, if I looked whole on the outside, something would transform on the inside to match.  The more I struggled internally, the more I tightened the mask strings.  But inside, beneath the image was always a little girl—and she was completely falling apart.

Image: An imitation of a person or thing; a representation, likeness, impression or conception of oneself; an illusion.

I learned at a young age that the world doesn’t care about how the girl in the pictures really feels.  I quickly learned to have a positive outlook, stuff my emotions, and fight for a flawless reflection.  But this was never a lasting identity, it was only an image.  The more pain, loneliness, rejection and insecurity I felt; the more I strived to paint an inaccurate picture of a girl who had it all together.

Beneath the facade I had no idea who I was or where my value was found.  I fought my hardest to maintain an image that had absolutely no relationship with reality.  But the outside couldn’t fix what was happening inside.

We live in a world that applauds, endorses, and super glues on the masks.  Our world worships images.  We’ve learned by example to push the limits and see how far we will go to maintain the image we want others to see.  We want people to view us superficially so they won’t look past the masks, or God forbid, stick around long enough to see how we really are.

“The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.  Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  -1 Samuel 16:7

Thankfully, God doesn’t buy into “fake”.  He isn’t fooled by facades, intimidated by masks, or takes us at our word when we say that we’re “doing great!”  He sees past the act and speaks to our hearts.  He sees us falling apart and breathes life into us.  Like the woman with the alabaster jar, sitting at Jesus’ feet in the midst of her filth, mess, insecurity and pain.  This kind of vulnerability pulls on His heart strings.  He faithfully seeks us out to break off the things that hold us back, threatening to hold us captive.

“All of us then, reflect the glory of the Lord with uncovered faces.” –2 Corinthians 3:18

This kind of matchless beauty is so raw and undone it scares those who are still in chains.  This reckless transparency with messy hair, mascara running, bent knees and a heart of flesh cannot be fabricated.  It’s as real as they come.  This absolute humility is so authentic it makes others uncomfortable.  But it’s the imperfect that the Lord chooses to use.  Our weakness allows Him to be our perfect strength.

When your need for approval is fulfilled through imperfect people, you will always be left desiring more.  I encourage you; Run to the One whose perfection isn’t painted on with brushes, designed by the fashion elite, studied in Ivy League classes, or worn as couture. He is simply perfect so we won’t have to be.  He is the answer to our imperfection.  The sooner we take off our masks and come face to face with who we’ve become, the sooner He can intervene and make us who we were born to be.  It’s still a daily struggle to be real,  but I’m learning how to walk in freedom of who He has created me to be.

His absolute security beckons me to be renewed.  He loves me just as I am.  Broken, hurting, confused, crumbling; real.  And He desires to make me whole and lacking nothing.

So, which is more important to you—your outward persona or your inward well being?  Don’t paint your nails while dying—it’s senseless.

 

“He said to me… ‘My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.” –2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Back From China!

7 Jan

I had the amazing opportunity to visit Changsha, China for New Years with Rhema Marvanne. There, she was on two of the largest TV Shows in China: Day Day Up and Mango & Friends.  Rhema is an absolutely amazing eight year old, with an incredible voice that is out of this world!  Almost every time she sang I cried.

I had the privilege of accompanying her and doing just some of her hair and makeup.  The TV Shows were unlike anything we expected– with over 300 million viewers (that’s about as many Americans) out of China’s 1.2 billion population.  It was an incredible opportunity for Rhema to share God’s love with the Chinese people!

You can check out more about Rhema and hear her incredible story online at:

www.rhemamarvanne.com

Here are just a few photos from our trip:

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Thank you China!  We had an amazing experience!

 

Yours is Green; Mine is Red

15 Dec

Keep your eyes straight ahead; ignore all sideshow distractions. Watch your step, and the road will stretch out smooth before you. Look neither right nor left… Proverbs 4:24-27 (The Message)

I’m always surprised at how simple little happenings throughout my day teach me lessons. These lessons always seem to correlate with what’s occurring in my life. The other day, I was stuck at a red light. I was happily on my way to work at five in the morning. But despite how much I enjoy mornings; red lights are never fun. In front of me was a little red mustang and to it’s left sat a big green truck patiently awaiting the left-turn arrow.

Now, I completely understand that at 5am, most people are still waking up. And apparently, the mustang’s owner in front of me wasn’t well prepared for the day. The green truck got his turn signal and proceeded to turn left. I still had a red light. But the mustang must have missed the memo. The red light camera went off, and he barely got across the intersection as  an oncoming car swerved out of his way avoiding an accident. Mere inches spared the sleepy red-light runner.

Instead of focusing on the light in front of him, Mr. Mustang’s eyes were set on the left-turning truck beside him. They were both sitting at the same light but they were headed in two completely different directions. Not only were they taking perpendicular routes; they were supposed go at different times.

I often find myself doing the same thing with my friends. Instead of focusing of what pertains to me, I justify the direction and timing with what’s going on in the lives of those around me.  But I’ve learned the hard way. Justifying my life because of someone else’s  is like running a red light- It’s simply wrong, and it’s always messy.

Just because one of my friends has graduated school and is moving out of state- does not mean I should or ever will. I’m still in school. Just because one of my friends is happily married to a pastor, and serving there as a newlywed- doesn’t mean I’m prepared, or called to do the same. I’m still single. Just because a friend of mine is pursuing her life long dream to study abroad in Europe- doesn’t mean I should pack up and move. I still reside a mere 35 minutes from home.

No, I’ve learned to stay put where God’s placed me. Maybe in time, some, or even all of these things will happen for me.  After all, while I’m stuck at a red light there will always be someone, somewhere else going full speed ahead. It can be hard not to become jealous or anxious.But I will keep my eyes focused on what the Lord has set before me.

Life is full of stops and goes. Following someone else’s path will only keep me off mine. Sometimes, I’ll be waiting. Other times,  it will be my turn to proceed through the green light as people wait across the intersection. It’s life.

 

To everything there is a season; a time for every purpose under heaven…He has made everything beautiful in its time.  Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11a

 

Pray, Pursue, Appreciate.

15 Oct

When it comes to Christian girls; What works and what doesn’t? My little brothers, cousins and friends have asked me this.   Which is what has sparked this blog.  This is my attempt at explaining my personal opinions and feelings when it comes to guy+girl drama.  Please understand that I am by no means putting all the blame on men.  I’m simply addressing some of what I’ve personally experienced to be the problem.  So, on behalf of myself and some  (hopefully most) Christian girls;  I’ll attempt to break it down for you guys who might need a little extra practical help and encouragement.

It’s your job! Marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship between God and His church (Ephesians 5:25).  So,  just as God pursued us first, (1 John 4:19) it’s a boy’s job to pursue the girl.  I would also like to advise that girls who pursue men are usually bad news.  A girl who is confident and secure about who she is in Christ won’t go around throwing herself at men.  She’ll have enough self respect to sit back and wait to be pursued as she follows God.

Don’t be a flirt. I feel strongly about this one.  Girls are usually closely knit, and 80% of what we do is talk.  So, we pay attention to who you do or don’t talk to.  Don’t assume two different girls  are unassociated– They might be friends or even neighbors.  You’d be surprised how many friends of mine have been hit on by the same thoughtless guy.  It might be okay to some, but I personally  don’t want to date my roommate’s ex.  Just throwing this out there, but if I’ve seen you talk to a million girls, I’m going to assume that I’m no different.  DON’T message a gabazillion girls on facebook.  If you’re throwing out a ton of bait waiting for one to bite, I’d dare to say that you’re impatient and desperate. I don’t want to be the 5th “girl of the day”.   If you seem to go from girl to girl, I would suggest actually praying about a girl before talking to any.  God doesn’t to direct you to waste time with thirty different attractive females.  So, in doing so, you’re reflecting your prayer life- or lack thereof.

Eyecontact- for crying out loud! This should go without saying, but we also watch your eyes.  Like my mother likes to say;  “Don’t have have ‘loose eyes.’”  It baffles me how many times I’ve seen this happen.  We’re looking for someone who looks a girl in the eyes and doesn’t check others out while doing so. That being said, throw a few blinks in there while you’re talking to us.  Be casual, sincere, and responsive.  The more natural and comfortable you are, the more likely we are to let our walls down.  Talking to an awkward, non-blinking, stiff person is just–well, awkward.

Be patient, not pushy. If you leave us a voice mail, we might not return your call anywhere from 1hour-3 days.  If we don’t call after two weeks, I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’re not interested.  Sure, let us know that you’re thinking about us, but don’t give us reasons to think you’re obsessed.  I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a firm believer in playing “hard to get”.  But an interested girl will respond at the very least .  Please don’t be naggy in the midst of your insecurity and continue to blow up the various communication options if we haven’t responded.  Chances are that our phones are working and our facebooks are functioning.  Exercise  some self control, resist excessive contact and wait.  Otherwise, it’s awkward.  Trust that you won’t have to convince “the one” into liking you.

Ask questions. This shows us that you’re interested and not self absorbed.  There’s nothing more unattractive than a guy who’s obsessed with himself.  Ask caring, probing questions that don’t result in a yes or no answer.  For an example “How are you doing today?” as opposed to “You doin okay?”

Be consistent. Whether you’re interested, or actually dating someone.  Be consistent.  We want to know that you’re reliable.  If you’re interested, at least say hi if you cross paths.  Girls take mental notes of who does or doesn’t say hi.  Especially if we like you back!  So PLEASE, say hi!  It can’t hurt to simply smile and say hello.  Most girls won’t approach you first because we’re trying to give you an opportunity! Plus, if you eventually do ask us out, “all those times” you said hi will reassure us that you’ve thought about us before and been actively leading up to this moment.  Also, realize if you tell us that you’re going to do something– We’re expecting you to do it!  We and our elephant brains won’t forget what you promise–even if it’s an off the hand comment.  Being five minutes early speaks volumes about you.  Likewise, being five minutes late not only talks poorly about you, but it’s also a rude awakening that we don’t mean all that much to you.

Be yourself. Please, pretty, pretty please.  We aren’t looking for fakes and phonies.  Be yourself.  If you’re dating, I hope that you’re only doing so because you’re headed towards marriage.  So, be yourself, because we’d like to know what we’re getting ourselves into.  If you plan on being married for the rest of your life, you’d better believe we’ll eventually see the real you.  We want to have a grasp on your personality and the ways in which you cope.  The good.  The bad.  And the ugly.  Don’t fake it!

Honesty is a rarity. Which is why we’ll think the world of you if you respect us by being genuine.  We don’t want to be defensive, but a lot (if not most) of us have been hurt in the past.  So our hearts might be calloused and closed off because they’ve been stuck in survival mode.   Trust is earned. At the end of the day, one of our greatest desires is that we can lay all games aside and just be real.  This doesn’t come automatically.  We don’t want to have to walk on eggshells around you, but please let us in a little about whats going on in your brain. 

Be funny. According to a recent survey of over 700 women, only 30% appreciated romantic compliments.  I don’t know how true this is.  I have friends who are hopeless romantics and then others who are more like myself.  I personally don’t appreciate sappy comments such as “Your eyes have as many colors as the sky”.  My sarcastic response to this was– “Is it night time?  Because my eyes are definitely black.”   Please, make us smile.  I want to laugh until my stomach hurts.  I promise it’s not that hard.  If we like you, we’ll laugh even if it’s the most insanely dumb joke we’ve heard in our entire life.  Lighthearted conversations make my day.  Find a common denominator and have fun with it!  But don’t make fun of people, this paints a picture of insecurity.  Which brings me to my next thought:

Be confident! We don’t want to be the reason why you’re secure in yourself.  If you aren’t bold enough to approach us because you’re worried you don’t have what it takes, we’ll think you might be right.  At the same time, please don’t be cocky.  Pride and egos are a huge letdown.  You should be secure about who you are in Christ, but not so prideful that you think you have it made.  Be confident in asking us out, but don’t imply that it’s a give in or done deal to date you.  We want to know that you treasure us and don’t take us for granted as if you’re God’s gift to women.

Put God first. We want to know that you can lead.  Not just relationally, but spiritually.  We don’t want to be the center of your universe.  We want to follow you as you follow hard after God.  We shouldn’t take up all of your time, energy, or weekend.  Set some time aside to make sure you’re still cultivating your relationship with the Lord.  While we’re on the subject; not all of your time should be devoted to us.  Make sure you’re still setting time aside to do guy stuff.  You know, “man time” with your friends.  Try to pick a night when you can be with the boys and us ladies can have a girl’s night.  A confident girl will appreciate this.

Talk don’t text. If at all possible, talk to us in person.  Second resort should be on the phone.   Texting third, and facebook–LAST.  You should be MORE confident in person than in your texts or comments.  We don’t want you to cower behind a computer desk or on your cell phone. I feel like I can’t stress this enough; please, PLEASE, don’t ask us out on facebook- we didn’t sign up for an online dating service.

Be intentional in your relationships. I’ve heard so many guys say that they’re “just friends” with several so and so’s.  But realize that we’re looking for someone serious.  We’re not going to give you a fighting chance if we’re worried about coming in second, or even third place.   We are aware of your facebook comments, gestures and mannerisms.  A good question to ask yourself if you really are “just friends” with a girl is– “If I was married, would I still be friends with this person?”. If the answer is no, then you should either pray about pursuing the girl, make some changes, or say goodbye.  Uncommitted relationships with hidden motives are sloppy and lower your chances of actually being with the real deal.  The way I see it, you shouldn’t have to throw out a million “friendships”  once you get a girlfriend.  You should be all set to go and ready for commitment!

Avoid being an extremest. I know this one’s tough.  But please realize that not all girls are either flirts or jerks. Yes, there are many cases where girls are flirting and flaunting for all the wrong reasons and they shouldn’t be (this drives me crazy too).  But sometimes, girls are just being friendly not flirty.  I decided some time ago that I’d rather be considered “quiet and unfriendly” than “flirty and misleading”.  But then I found that guys were referring to me as “cold-hearted and rude”.  I wanted to scream– “I’M JUST SHY AND WAITING FOR MY HUSBAND!”  You get to choose who you talk to, we have to sort through the no’s to get to the yes. Sometimes, a girl’s just trying to be honest with you and tell you she’s not interested.  A girl denying you DOES NOT make her a jerk.  Give us a break! You might be the umpteenth guy to approach us that day.  Be understanding that it might be out of the blue for us.  Yes, it’s our job to let you down easy and be gracious, but we can be pretty taken back and clueless at times.  It’s not fair to say that we are either one or the other.  We shouldn’t have to pick.  Take a different perspective.  Be understanding.  Put yourself in our shoes.  Good luck walking in heels!

Men, it saves us ladies a lot of trouble if you’ll just pray, seek counsel, swallow your pride, and take a chance.  We can’t read minds, especially yours. Taking responsibility and being the guy frees us women to be the girl.


Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23

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